Thoughts.

人不为己, 天诛地灭

I really can't tolerate selfish people. I used to think that oversensitive guys are the only type of guys I can't stand, but now I realised that selfish guys have pushed my limits to a whole new level.

I used to be really selfish too, actually. I've tried changing that and succeeded a little I guess. I stopped making noise about my sister stealing clothes from my wardrobe; I've also resisted temptations to wear her new clothes which she haven't worn before (damn ass I know). Proud of myself. I think I've changed the most towards Jean. I give in to my elder brother and accept the fact that he will always eat stuff that are not his, or maybe he just really hates housework. I always try to think about the things he's sacrificed and done for us/me. Last weekend he went out to get dinner for me when my parents were overseas. My sis asked for dinner too late and he was already home, so he offered his fish soup to my sis and cooked noodles for himself. And he wanted me to hide the truth from my sis. Awwww right! I love my siblings so much.

So I don't understand why friends have to be so selfish. Especially guys, it's a major turn-off. And don't think I cannot tell what you're trying to do. I'm not trying to say you have to offer to pay for every single thing. What really matter are the little things that I happen to notice about people.... They really make me see the real you and it's ugly. But yknow what, it's fine. I get it. Sometimes you just have to be selfish to save your own ass, just like how I should stop lending people money/paying for stuff because it's not funny to not get back hundreds of dollars that belong to you. Especially when I'm a total mute when it comes to asking people to pay me back.

I will also not be swayed by others' opinions about a certain individual. They will not control how I feel towards a person/how I should treat that person. Because it's unfair towards him/her. Different people have different opinions. I'm not gonna care if I appear like a hypocrite. I just need to really have control over my life because I don't live my life for others. This is the second time this is happening. Sigh, why do I have so little power when it comes to the manipulative world. Be strong be strong.

I've been looking at people (in general) who are in a relationship. It's weird. I don't know. I think I've never imagined myself being so emotionally attached to someone? Having to answer to that person 24/7, care about how he feels, wary of doing things that may make him mad, constantly thinking about him, sensitive towards his feelings, listening to him talk about his life... Maybe I'm speaking too soon, but I'm pretty glad I'm not part of any of these? I feel so... Free and burden-less? Of course I'm not saying that people who are attached are burdened all the time, but to me I think having to think for another person is a burden. I don't know how to say it. I should be a nun. Ha ha.

I can't wait for:
#1 A's to end (next thurs!) though I'm really dreading the MCQ papers. I think it's this "end" kinda feeling that is pretty dreadful, like A's are officially over kinda feeling. I'm weird.
#2 Taiwan trip! v^_^v
#3 Meet up with my friends! For nothing at all.
#4 GLIKED Christmas party!
#5 2012. Really looking forward to the end of this self declared worst year of the century (or rather, of my life).